$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize