And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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