This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sarcasm needs its own font
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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