after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
