true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
