oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
