You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
