I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
