I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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