I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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