Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
