apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
