i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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