In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
