Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
