if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
