He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
