if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
