I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
