I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
