He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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