Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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