There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
MIDGETS
????
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
