if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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