we're chasing vodka with high fives
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude i'm inner monologue high
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
