I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
