then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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