WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
