I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Randomize
