Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
