shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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