ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Randomize
