Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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