WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
