then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
