He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
