my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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