dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
