Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
