I heard we made out
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
