just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
