So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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