Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
