He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
