So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I supernannyed him into submission
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize