im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
