Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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