True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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