Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
