i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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