Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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