So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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