i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i came on her dog
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sorry about my life...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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