I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
