Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
