I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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