unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
my liver is dry heaving
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
