I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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