I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize