Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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