so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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