Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
