I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
