beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you will always have a special place in my vag
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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