The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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