what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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