i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
