It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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